This Holiday Season, Give to Yourself

​We have all heard the saying repeatedly in writing, advertisements, words, and songs…”Tis the season to be jolly.” Our culture and society tell us that the holidays are meant to be a time of celebration, joy, festivities, and fun. Parties, gift giving, decorations, holiday shows, and family gatherings all can be joyful activities that many of us spend our time doing. For many people, the holidays truly do bring laughter, joy, and wonderful memories. 
 
But for others, the holidays may bring forward some more difficult emotions to tolerate, such as loneliness, sadness, and overall stress.  Maybe the holidays are stressful this year due to a death in the family, illness, or financial restraints. Or maybe you just don’t like this time of year or get what all the fuss is about.
 
For most of us, the holidays tend to be both fun and hard, all at the same time. Here are ten tips to get through this holiday season, with the intention of prioritizing your own needs:
 

1. Take time for yourself. With all of the added time needed to shop, wrap, and attend parties, it can become challenging to keep your gym regimen, do laundry, go food-shopping, eat well, or get the sleep your body needs. As a result, your mind and body are more prone to stress and illness.  Do your best to carve the time out in your schedule to maintain your daily routines, without being rigid.
2. Move your body. The holidays tend to be a time of indulgence when people typically attend parties, and eat and drink more than usual. Unfortunately, one of the first things to get cut off the schedule when people get busy is exercise. Physical activity can counteract the typical weight gain you may experience during this time, and additionally combat any mental stress that you may be feeling.
3. Think of a bubble. Surround yourself with the people that make you feel good. Now I know that the holidays are a time of family gatherings, and you may not have too much say as to whether you want to go or not. However, while at the family gathering, maybe you can choose to engage with the people in your family that make you feel good more than those family members that don’t. Additionally, you can spend time with friends that make you feel good and maybe decline the invitations to the parties with friends that don’t.
4. Create a meaningful gift exchange. It can be very trying and exhausting to give a gift to someone because you are obligated to give that person a gift. And on the flipside, it can feel disappointing when a gift you received did not live up to your hopes or expectations. Ideally, try to give a gift for the sole reason of wanting to, and try not to expect one in return.  If the exchange does not feel right to you, maybe have a conversation with the person and discuss ways to make it better. Maybe you can offer suggestions to the person of what you would like, or a budget that you could keep in mind.  Or, you can decide that it would be best not to exchange gifts, and instead, by a gift for yourself.
5. Budget. Budgeting both your time and money is key during the holidays, as both tend to be depleted at the blink of an eye. Do what is in your means, and give yourself the time to do it.
6. Don’t forget to breathe. While working, raising families, and doing everything else you have to do during the year, you now have the added job to shop, wrap, and give presents, cook holiday dinners, and attend parties. Do your best to find time to breathe and remember that you can only do so much in the day. Make sure to give yourself time to breathe, pause, and reflect.
7. Allow yourself to have all of your feelings. Although as I stated above there is societal pressure to be happy and jolly during the holidays, it is not uncommon to have negative feelings and experiences!  Allow yourself to feel the pain, hurt, sadness, loneliness, or disappointment you may experience. I promise you are not alone. 
8. Want to cheer up? Give back. The holidays are a great time to think of those that are less fortunate and offer food, toys, time, or prayers. It is also a great way to combat any holiday sadness or disappointment that you may be feeling to think outside of yourself and your experience and to think of the greater community. Helping someone in need can be a very fulfilling experience and can give you a different perspective on things. You may even start to feel gratitude for what you have, even if it isn’t perfect.
9. Put your own needs first. Whether this means not attending an obligatory family gathering because you know you will be miserable or foregoing a gift exchange because of financial constraints, do what you need to do for you first.
10. Spread love and joy to others, but especially to yourself. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “treat others the way you want to be treated.” Well I put a spin on this and I say, “Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.” The way we feel about ourselves is how others perceive us.  Similarly, the way we treat ourselves is how others will treat us.  So please, be gentle and kind to yourself. If you eat too much, drink too much, or say something wrong, it’s ok.  Love yourself for who you are, and forgive yourself for your mistakes.

 
Happy Holidays everyone! 
 
Sincerely,
Nicole Wegweiser, LCSW